“So your going to land when and where? Oh cock seriously?”
I’ll admit that the geography part of my brain was out to lunch when one of my very best friends told me she was going to come out to SA. So at the point Mary tells me she has a ticked book to come out I’m over the moon, we have travelled before – it was a crazy trip lets just leave it at that for now. So at the end of June I have to be in Caracas, Venezuela – at this point I am in north Chile and heading for Cuzco now I’m sure you know this but Venezuela is past Peru, all the way through Ecuador and then you have to navigate the whole of Columbia – I kinda got them the wrong way round, I put Columbia after Venezuela which is a little problem – it’s a fucking long way around to Caracas from Cuzco and flying let me tell you now is way out of the question – $800+ for a one way! So I need to get there another way. Google – help!
Lima-Iquitos, by plane it’s the only way then the first boat takes me to Leticia and then the big one – 4 days and 3 nights on a boat down the Amazon river, a hammock for a bed and stack of books for company I’ll end up in Manaus and from there I can bus it into Venezuela, stop at a beach for a few days and then be ready for the 30 days of excessive amounts of Gin!
“No! permero Brazil Police Federal, segunda parada es el barco – bueno?” My Spanish seems to be quite outstanding when still under the influence of last nights cocktail of vices, I’m feeling sprightly considering that I’ve not been to bed yet and the thought of throwing my leg across the back of a motorbike with a rucksack of 16+kg on my back is not really what I’m looking forward to – but needs must!
10 minutes later, I’m in – Brazil baby & country number 6 – so to my first observation – what a shite passport stamp! So they have a super colourful flag, their laides are smoking hot, its the 5th largest country on this planet with almost 130@ million people and they couldn’t come up with something a little more interesting than a rectangle box and the world Brazil in a plan old font – bad move Brazil!
With that I offer a friendly wave and a cheeky smile to the police woman and I’m off again, leg over the Honda and its got about 5mm of travel in the suspension before the bump stops break your back, with this in mind he decided to take the direct route to the port which is down the unmade roads, coupled with the fact it rained about a billion gallons of water yesterday its like a mud bath – he has some bike skills I’ll give him that – direction skills are shite tho! However we arrive in one piece with a few mud splashes and apart from a few slow side way slides I get to the port on time and in one piece.
I wonder up to the first people I can find who are not South American looking – 3 Flemish girls and a couple from the UK, I was told to make some friends quickly so they can help keep an eye on your stuff – the boat is full of people who look very nice but I’m sure they would prefer a smart phone and a SLR camera than your friendship! Your bags are emptied out and searched, every part of it is pulled out – not really what I want as getting my stuff into the bag in the first place today was a pain in the arse let alone trying to do it twice in one day.
Beside me is a chap from Brazil full of insight and helping teach Portuguese to me he also has a map and is pointing out the places of interest in Brazil when I take a look at the map I’m a little perplexed as I’m almost 100% certain that it was going to be less distance to cover going to Venezuela via boat – now I’m not too sure….. what was that about my reports from school – always wants to take the easy route? Well for once I prove you wrong, it’s now pretty clear to see I’m going the long way round.
My hammock installed and pillow inflated I’m set – this is it! I’ve been looking forward to this little adventure for some time now and its finally here. My days will consist of the following, wake up and have some breakfast, then sit on my arse, sleep, read and day-dream whilst looking at the Amazon river in my hammock till lunch, have some food and repeat the process of sleeping, reading, day dreaming until dinner after dinner then lay on the top deck to take in the uninterrupted inky black night sky of the Amazon before retiring to my hammock for a little more reading, and why not – a little more sleep. I’ve all that to do before I wake up in the morning to do the same thing all over again.
Eating in a canteen on a boat like this is what you might imagine – unfortunately I don’t think the way most people do! It’s a fucking scrum down and the fat ones always rule! Two hundred odd people on here and the cafe is open three times a day, when the lady walks around and blows the whistle you see the heads opp up out of hammocks – much like a chicken looking out of its coop first thing in the morning and as soon as the first one goes that’s it, a very controlled mass hysteria starts – if you have your own plate you can go in and help yourself come back and retire to your hammock if not you have to queue up and wait your turn for the cafe to have space for you. I am one of the ‘dine in’ clients and my modum operatio is always less is more – this is not the way it works here, this is where you use the skills you learnt from college when going to the Pizza Hut buffet lunch. Take one very small bowl and arrange according to mass, small items at the bottom so rice and beans in first, then on top goes your pasta topped with the meat and veg if there are any extras on offer arrange according to shape. Now it’s not any secret to who knows me but normally I take about three hours to eat a meal I’m that slow, since travelling I’ve upped my game as you need to – if you don’t you’ll lose out – either that or I’m so damm hungry I inhale my food in one go! But on the first day, in my single sitting of food the chap or should I say the tank sitting across from me managed 5 return visits – in some cases and for the people on this boat less is defiantly not more! After dinner my friend from Brazil asked me what would I do if this boat was to sink? Very easy – I’m gonna throw the fatties in first so when its my turn to jump in everything below the water will be full up and I can swim to shore!
The vista from my hammock is a little difficult to explain in words and the photo’s will not offer any justice but I will try and paint the picture for you. First off it depends on what side of the river you are looking at, when I have the river banks behind me the view in frond is almost a 2D perspective of a vast open washed out pale blue sky, if you were to paint it you’d only need a little blue paint its like the man upstairs didn’t want this part of the world to get a deep rich royal blue sky. Dotted off as far as your eyes can make our are cumulus clouds the top of them seem to roll up into the sky like blobs of cotton wool and the bottom of them have a sharp straight edge to them, like they been cut level with a sharp scalpel. When your eyes come level with the sky you get what looks like an inch in height of trees, void of bark at the bottom but rich in greens and yellows at the top, again it’s almost scary how level the tops of them are from this perspective it looks like they are only about five or six rows deep but you know they just go on for ever. Whats left is the water, when you look at the closet part it’s a chocolate-brown, all I can think about is the river in Chocolate river in the classic movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as you cast your eye a little further out the water you add a little grey and some blues from the reflection of the sky and every now and again you’ll get parts of or even a whole tree floating along too or patch of water grass – which you know have lots of shite in there which will kill you! We are travelling down stream with the river but at times it looks like its a piece of glass laid out in front of you and at sun down or up the reflections of the sky is breath taking.
If you are on the river bank side you just get an inch of water and a colossal view of green trees which again meets the sky but its the trees which takes over the show, and every now and again you come across a small number of wooden shacks which people fishing or cooking, it’s so hard to imagine that people live out here in this great vast remote part of the world. They operate in a tiny section of rain forest and the front garden is this river, is it innocence that they have no idea what is past this great open space or is it wanting to live in a remote way – to get around they have tiny little wooden boats some you see with a propeller attached and the motor has a strong resemblance to a hair dryer other boats just have a paddle or two.
Then, after I’ve been trying to take this in for the past two full days of sailing down this river that I hear a really annoying noise its loud and piercing in my ears – I turn around and I can’t believe what I am seeing…….. you can still get reception on your mobile here! Remote but vodafone still wants you connected – so the question is, if you live on the amazon river – do you have a facebook page? Some investigation is required I think but I just need to find a shop to top up my credit first!
the bean hunter 