Sleeping on this bus is like trying to sleep on a roller coaster! God only knows what this road is like, add to the fact that I’ve got Mr Snorey Pants next to me and Mr & Mrs Coughy Wheezers in front of me, it’s a hole of a journey I got on this bus at 20:00 and we are pulling into Cuzco at 07:00. 
“Oh its hard to breath here” sprouts out Mrs Coughy Wheezer as she turns to get out of her seat, and no sooner have we got off the bus and waiting for our bags she goes and sparks up a cigarette! I’ll leave you fill in your own blank here…..
So obvious statement dealt with the next one – its fuckin freezen here, oh yea we are high up again, starting to see a theme now! Deposited at the hostel I immediately head out for breakfast if I sit still I’ll fall asleep and I”m glad I did as I managed to catch the Plaza de Armas when it was at its best – empty and quite, I wandered into the main church as apparently in the day time they charge you! Interlude here, sorry to pause for a rant but come on, I’ve been to the Vatican and seen how much art and money they have and you have the balls to offer a plate around at half time during mass and then look for some more money to have a poke around during the day – crazy! Anyway I walk in as its free and notice that mass is on – Ma you’ll be glad to know that mass in Spanish (3rd time since arriving in South America!) is exactly the same as in Ireland and England – just in Spanish!
I’m in Cuzco 3 days early to acclimatise to the altitude as I’ve got a walk to see Machu Pecchu – 42km’s, 4 days of walking, 3 nights in a tent! and a maximum height of 2825 meters all to go and get a picture that I have wanted to get for the last 26 years.
Day one, 05:00 start as usual I’m tired but not hungover (!) hop on the bus and fall a sleep straight away an hour or so later we stop for some breakfast and the first opportunity for the “how long are you travelling for” questions to begin – god help these people they don’t know how useless I am in the morning when there is a lack of caffeine and sleep in my system.
Last minute checking of the backpacks ensure you’ve used the nice toilet for the last time and were off – I’ll admit I have a bit of excitement going on right now we pause for a group picture of the start sign of the Inca Trail and then stop. A thirty minute wait to get papers approved and your passport stamped then the walk properly beings with a walk across a rickety old Indiana Jones style bridge – hoo haaa this is going to be good!
We walk for about 7/8 hours on the first day, its pretty easy going and you are constantly looking around gawping at the views and my right index finger is glued to the shutter button on my camera. When we make it to camp we find tents assembled and dinner cooking my tent buddy is from Australia as we spy a bucket of drinks and in there are two bottles of beer – I’ll say it was a mutual decision to have a beer – well come on it was a long walk!
Safe to say we fell into the tent with tiredness and here’s the first problem – I’m about 3 feet too big for the tent and all I want to do is stretch out! Every time I roll over I can’t as my feet and head are wedged into the bottom corner of the tent! Now I have over the past two years started to enjoy the outdoor camping lark – but I fucking hate tents and I hate sleeping on those poxy roll up bed mat things.
Day two is a horrible early start – 04:30 ish, it’s the bitch day – we have to climb up Dead Woman’s Pass which is at 2825 meters. We are greeted with a morning coffee, tea or Coca tea, the chance of the coffee been a fresh bean from Peru is a hopeful thought so I take an instant coffee with a few Coca leaves – I tell you now, if I could I would sell that as a morning coffee in my Cafe I would up the production of the London workers 250%! However like many good things in life tho we cannot allow this – we will thank our past American friends for banning everything to do with the Coca plant and robbing us of a natural medicinal plant which can do a lot of good!
With the instant CocaCaffeine in my system I’m awake but my thoughts are still thinking about this hill, and I share the same views with the others so its agreed that we should share the hire of a chasquis (porter) for the day to take our sleeping bags and a couple of other items. I have to take back my comments on people hiring a chasquis for the 4 days but I can see why some people did take this offer as it makes your life a lot easier!
We make it up about 25% of the hill before we stop again for another breakfast, when you are at altitude you digestion is very slow but you need the energy that’s for sure we have some pancakes, popcorn and some bread and jam – which I have to tell you jam is called Fanny here – sorry yip I’m still a 5 year old at heart and I cannot stop asking and laughing for some one to pass the sticky fanny down the table, and it’s not long after too that I have the majority of the table asking for the same thing.
Its time to take off again and the sun is out but thankfully a few clouds too as its hard work anyway let alone been boiled within an inch of your life! It’s a steady climb of steps for the majority of the way now which for me I’m happy about cycling and long legs means I can get a good stride on the only issue is that your heart cannot keep up with 20 meters its feels like my heart is going to push my rib cage out so time to stop and take a few pictures and sit in amazement when you see the teams of chasquis running up the hill with 2kg’s on their backs! When I say run up – they stop every now and again but they are hopping up the steps like it’s a Sunday stroll around Richmond park – time I think for a few Coca leaves!
The process is very simple you take about ten leaves and lay them on top of each other. Then you add your activator which is a brown ball of muck very similar looking to squidgy black hash if you know what that it! They say you only need a very tiny amount, of course I add a little more just for good measure! You roll it up and stick it in between your cheek and gum make sure you’ve got a good amount of saliva and then start grinding the leaves between your teeth it produces a very strong black tea taste in your mouth that’s what you swallow – after about five minutes you spit it out or when you feel a little numbness on your cheek. Yip you guessed it I’ve given it a good ten minutes and half of my face has gone completely numb but I’m ready to run up steps that’s for sure!
As you round the corner you can see the summit, its may be 50-70 meters away so close its in touching distance and you think yip be there in five – not a hope it’s about another twenty minutes by the time you make it! For once I now know the feeling of making it to the top of a mountain now I know it’s not Base Camp or the summit of K2 but it’s still a euphoric feeling! The issue now is hearing about the 600 meter decent over another 5/6 km’s and its all steps!
Been welcomed into the camp by everyone clapping is a nice thing, you know you made it – you now also know you are going to make it to Macchu Picchu! Over the past two days I’ve seen people walking the wrong way and that means they couldn’t make it over the pass, its a sad sight but it just shows that not everyone can make.
Day three is you guessed it another early start about 06:00 we are up and ready for breakfast today is the long day a good 23/24 km’s to achieve so a long slog my shoes at this point are ready to walk of by themselves because of the odour de doyle from them. I lace them up and throw my now ‘back to full weight’ backpack on my back and take off up a hill to start with – nothing like a morning wake up of 400 meter climb! And its at the top of this that I found a little oasis of beauty which gripped me for a half an hour just taking in the beauty if I could I would have stayed all day.
We pass numerous Inca runes and learn a lot about how the lived and an insight into their way of life the little lectures help with breaking up the day we’ve gone from bare mountain top to green pasture land to rain forest finishing off with a view of the Urubamba river – all in one day. Amazing, its at this point I am craving my G&T – just one will be enough and I am cursing myself for substituting the hip flask for the head torch!
At dinner that night we are talking about the walk the next day, its only a hop of 5k’s or so but you need to wait at a gate to open at 04:30 and the walk is along a path which is narrow and at that time dark, then factor in all the fucking idiots who stayed in bed late and want to run past you to catch the sunrise! Believe me or not I’m the first to throw up my hand to say we should be the first to be at the gate, that’s a 03:00 start! Lack of sleep is better than lack of sleep and pushy people in my book and everyone agrees!
Day four, its 03:30 and we are the first at the gate and its worth it about 20 minutes later the cue of 200 people has formed and waiting at the middle or end is not where I would like to be! It’s a scramble along a thin uneven rock pavement and to the right a drop off into the darkness don’t know how far down it is but I’m going to guess it’s quite a drop – its at this point I’m glad the head torch was packed – just wish I got the semi professional model and mine is like holding a lighter in front of your eyes, I can see about a half a meter in front of me just enough then!
The last part is a climb up a number of steps and its tough going but you know at the top is a view that I have been chasing since I was a little boy and BOOM there it is Macchu Picchu in the morning sun and what a sight it is we are there before the main tourist gate opens so I bag the money shot with nobody in the frame – its a happy day for me.
We then head down to the main sight and the first thing you thing is – god all these people are really annoying! Its a strange thought but I said it to someone later and they agreed, a lot to be said for walking 40 odd k’s with only 450 people on the path! The lecture part of the tour starts giving us the detail of the whole site but I’ve gone and booked a space to walk up to Whyna Picchu – another load of steps, and to be honest I don’t want to go but the 3 banana’s convince me to do it and I’m glad I did another money shot and an extra tick in the box! Now where’s my G&T!
The four of us head back into town to meet the group for a final supper and a beer when we get to the restaurant I run to the bar and would you believe a bottle of Tankquary – you bloody beauty! When I get the order I have a champagne glass full of gin and a bottle of Coke we struggle to find out that they don’t have any tonic but that is just a blip, a quick walk around the shops and I find two lonely bottle of tonic ice-cold in a fridge! When I return I have a lovely whiskey style glass short it height but very round, full of ice and a plate with slices of limes – I am a very happy man and after one G&T I’m smashed but it doesn’t stop me finishing off the champagne measure – well it would be rude not to!
The final leg of the trip is the train ride back to civilisation with the other tourists. Now this I admit is to me a very funny moment which will stay with me a long time! Unfortunately I changed my train ticket at the last minute to come back on the same day which meant my fellow trampers were in a different carriage to mine and it wasn’t the type of train where you can walk between the two so I’m feeling a little drunk and a bit deflated when I see what I have to sit next to, they look exactly the same as me – walking boots, a backpack and trousers which zip into shorts but there is one fundamental difference, when they got up this morning they had a shower and got the train to Macchu Picchu, I on the other hand jumped into a small lake at the end of the second day for a wash but to be honest it didn’t make that much difference! Now all the clean people are like peacocks looking about for somewhere else to sit but all the seats are full so it takes a fairly-oiled Irish fella to start arranging the 8 seats around me, when I’m finished I’ve got 4 walkers including myself on one side of the train and on the other the cleanies. With that an entire shuffle on the carriage starts within 3 minutes the right side of the train are the walkers and the left side are the cleanies, seating sorted and we’re off and right away you can tell the people who had an early start as they were asleep within minutes – as for us lot we all sat back and got smashed and laughed when one of them woke up and twitched their nose!
the bean hunter 