Two hours and forty five minutes – you’re fucking kidding right! I really need to wiki buses some day, as I was under the impression that they are there to help people to get from destination A to B and not make them sit on their hole for a small life time allowing you to drown deeper into depression, charge you a small fortune and then turn up when it suits them!
Oh my love and hate for the bus grows as everyday passes. Please do not even think about sending me your positive green messages about buses I’m with you on one level but not on so many more. To add to the down right misery the bus driver is a total arse – I had a rant on my last post so I’ll leave it at that – for now!
With 185 mins or the life span of a small insect left to kill I need to think about something which is not to do with cycling so my mind starts to wander and drift about NZ – “have I chosen the right method to see this country?” The roads like Australia you could say like a poker baize they are so smooth, off and on camber but add in amazing mountains, gorges, lakes and river runs this could be close to automotive heaven. One of the great things of NZ is that is it not an nanny state (yet!) so breaking the magic 100kph limit will not land you in a jail with a sore arse as quickly as their VB drinking bbq cooking neighbours!
So my thought is if you could have just one car for NZ what would it be – epic road network and every topology imaginable, then need to add in your outdoor activities and all the stuff which goes with it so it has to has fast and practical; easy it’s the daddy you pick an Audi RS4 and be done with it! End of post/thought.
But would I be happy with an RS4, shit yea who wouldn’t – end of post/thought. No I can’t do that, yes its a Q car with the same capabilities of a Leatherman and the guarantee of a Swiss army knife but there has to be something else but anyway I don’t need an estate – just yet, no not kids as I’m sure that’s the first thing people think of, more importantly for the dog which is on order but not until I ‘grow up and get some responsibilities’ so for now I can afford to go smaller which in turn equals lighter!
Everything is saying to ignore my Frau M Drei back in Ireland but then I see one pull out of a side road and in fairness its the first one I’ve seen since I’ve been in NZ so it hasn’t got that old sales rep sticker which they use to be associated with! Oh now that’s one thing I need to add onto my list of “missing you” I fall into a day dream and start thing about diving the roads in attack mode the sound system kicking out my favourite driving tunes at level 10, sunglasses on and the windows slightly open so you can take in the fresh air and the sound of automotive porn.
It’s done, I just need to get Frau Drei, my snowboard and bikes sent over and NZ could be the place I could live in and I would be happy with one car.
Ahhh did you hear that? It’s the sound of a content man who has just solved a long standing issue and let it be said for now I could be happy with one car….
Approximately two and a half minutes of this strange feeling and solving a long standing problem of mine passes then it all goes out the window, everything I’ve been thinking said or agreed to is now non existent – I will never be happy having one car! In the distance I can hear a very familiar noise its a beautiful hum with a rasp on the down change which is soft, not aggressive its been driven briskly but with a lot of care, she’s been stretched softly so my ears are drowning in a percussion of classical music made from valves and exhausts notes. You know its special very special and I’m scanning the mountain side for what I think it is and then popping out behind a row of trees and heading rapidly down towards the valley she appears – gulp, oh she’s a beauty! I’m glad to say I’m sitting down as my knees would not take it….. It’s a tiny dot of the land scape but I know that shape from any distance, my eyes have been trained to spot these things, It’s glorious deep flowing red lines better than any lines on woman…. it had to be, could only be a Series One E-Type Jaguar. (Pause here to compose myself again!)
My father and I had a fleeting idea a fair few years ago we agreed to buy one and split the running and maintenance cost, my girlfriend at the time thought I was down right nuts, my mother on the other hand said she will pack her bags and leave my Da the day he comes home with one. The two of us sat their downing sorrows in a bottle or two of red plonk knowing that if a car could get in the way of a beautiful girl/wife – this is quite possibly at the top of the list.
So an E-Type Jaguar is your sure fast way to a divorce or singleton, and with roads like this in weather like this I’m sorry to say ladies – I’ll have her in red, no British racing green no hang on black ahh gun metal gray – Fuck it any colour and I’ll swing by the posh hotel and pick up Miss Knightley, but she’s just for the night – I couldn’t afford two bad habits at the same time and yes Keira your lines are lovely but dry your eyes princesses you will never be a special as an E-Type. Fact.
Now where’s this fuckin bus!
the bean hunter 