“Mornin’ gorgeous, do you know as the years go by you just seem to get better – if you only you had George Clooney’s money then you too could also bang super models every night, but time for a wash and a shave – its Valentines day and you have a date to keep”
Do you subscribe to Valentine’s Day? You know where for one day of the year you are obliged to buy over priced chocolates and flowers, book a table in a restaurant where they play lots of Sade, Nina Simone & Simply Red and if your lucky you double up on the weekly shag!
I subscribe to Valentines day because I do love myself, as you can tell from the conversation I had in the mirror with myself before the shower this morning – so who’s the lucky date – me, myself and I. Oh and what a day I have, got the keys to Saint Thick-Skin’s Tonka-Toy (aka my bro-in-law he married the sister!) two tanks of gas, chocolate, Haribo Star mix, water, fizzy orange & a Beefy’s Pie.
I’m heading south listening to the cricket on the radio, which is only slightly better than the POS radio but at least the Tonka-Toy has a lecky aerial. Now cricket I have to talk about this, for at least 25 years I’ve tried to understand the game and in Aussetrealiaaa its on all the time so you need to get with the program. In 25 years I have managed to grasp about 3% of what its about and what the words mean but for some reason I am transfixed with the wit and words of ABC commentators down here. If the shipping forecast on Radio4 makes you sleep than this will make you laugh, today India plays Sri Lanka in a one day test;
“Kohi is at the crease facing Sangakkar, a yorker comes in…….BANG clean as a whistle he’s squared legged it, between Silly mid-on and Short Leg, Square Backward has missed it and now Deep Forward and Deep Sweeper are trying to stop it, but its gone for 4, that brings SL to 241 for 2, we’re 5 in the over with 25 overs to play and after this delivery it will be time for tea”.
I’ll try and translate; matey-boy has fucked a red ball made of concrete at the yer man, he’s given it the beans and some how hit it and now its gone to a boundary on the field, SL have a shit load more runs then the other fellas, so they need to stop for a cuppa and come up with a better plan. Oh and just in case your knowledge is like mine – those fielder names are not the Indian Cricket team!
This all happens in a nano second but before the next ball comes in-sorry delivery, which takes about three weeks they need to talk about something – you see its not TV where you have replays and graphics and all that bollox, so they need to talk – one of the conversations today was about the second wife the commentator has married, who is a lot better than the first and if she could come in with more sausage rolls like the other day it would be marvelous, other commentator chips in to say he missed out and what where they like? On and on they have a chat, for 10 hours about anything and everything! Think Peter Cook and Dudley Moore but with out alcohol! Marvelous entertainment!
I digress, so I’m heading south to a hippy town called Nimbin, as before stunning roads and shit speed limits but I arrive into this little town to be greeted with 101 people who are still living in the 60’s love it! All the crazy tie-die shite, long hair, everything is homemade and organic and nobody has not a care in the world. You have to give a nod to people who just won’t or don’t want to change!
Within 25 minutes I’ve got all my supplies and food from the farmers organic market, similar to the one in South London but with better customer service and weights. I’ve checked in to the hostel and now sitting with MaryJane and 3 Joey’s not five feet from me, the view is amazing and not a sound can be hear. After dinner I go back to see MJ and I’m presented with a breath taking view of the sky at night with zero light pollution time to kick back and think about what an A-MAZ-ING day I have had.
Happy Valentines Day rpd,
I love myself.
the bean hunter 