“I bags the Penthouse suite” I say to the Dutchman beside me “the last thing I want is the thought of the two you shaggin over me while I’m below trying to sleep!”
I love Stijn & Hannah to bits, I’ve known them for years, shared many a drunken nights in London and they even lived at the end of my street at one point so I like them they are great friends, but as we all know listening to someone else have sex, even on a porn movie is just the worst thing in the world – stuff my ears with cotton wool and stitch them closed! I’ve got seven days in a camper which is approximately fcuk all squared in size, “it can sleep four” said the sales man when we picked it up, yea for 4 polygamy midgets from a mid state in the US maybe but not for an Irish man, the Dutchman and his fiancee – and we all know what the dutch are like with sex!
Paper, Scissors, Rock, ok make it best of 3, ah seriously best of 5 come on – I wasn’t concentrating! 5 in a row, yip in a row – I loose, hand me the keys and lets get the wheels rollin’ on this bad boy and see what she can do! With a kiss and a squeeze we leave Mark and Leigh huddled on the sofa with hangovers only slightly less that ours – but they have the comfort of doing nothing, I on the other hand have the keys to the POS (Piece of Shite) a tank of fuel, a crackley AM/FM radio and a route heading north. “Lets just see how far we get yea” Okie dokie I say rolling on to the Harbor Bridge which still bears the scar’s from last nights pyrotechnic composition of flammable metals and god knows what else. Eh just one thing fella, “what did he say about road toll’s in NSW – something about the fine is off the scale compared to the cost of the toll! Dude are you awake?!?!”
Now I’ll come back to a post about driving in Ausstreeaallieaa later I won’t get started but when one has a hangover its actually great to drive here – you go on auto pilot, switch off your brain and look out the window, really that’s all the thought process is look out the window – every now and again you take it up to 115kph to over take a caravan or a truck on a hill then realise you were in the slipstream and the POS can’t do 115kph with out shaking the life out of your arms and everything in it so you knock it back sit in the nearside lane and go back to thinking life’s unanswerable questions, today it was names of fruit!
If Bananas are yellow, a mango is yellowy green, apples come in green & red, basically fruits get a name why do oranges which is orange not get a better one! Was it a last minute thought?
“Yo big man I’ve named all the fruits, its Friday can I knock off early?”
“You forgot one, that one in the corner there”
“Oh all those round orange things, eh no I called them eh, uh orann oranges that’s it they are Oranges – right see you Monday!’
“WAKE UP FOLKS” there’s is a kangaroo and another and another wow, they are everywhere! So where did we make it to – Port Macquarie 390km’s from Sydney in one run with a hangover – see told you, turn the brain off and away you go. You can drive for days upon end here and still get somewhere, Brisbane to Perth on Gmaps its 4336km’s 2710 in proper numbers, or 47hrs continuous driving and that’s not going via the middle you have to go around the edge as there are no roads in the middle the best bit is point number 57) turn right on the A1 now follow that for 1999km’s – any woman could navigate in this island/country/continent!
Pulling up to the campsite and it’s looking a little optimistic if I be honest lots of cars, vans and tents and a sign saying to call the reception when out of hours and low and behold nadda totally full no chance of a spot here or anywhere around, and so the start to another theme of the road trip! Its summer time here and a past time for Aussteraliiiiiiiannss is camping and road trips – you see its just so far from everything else you might as well stay, but I will say tho they do pretty much have it all here!
Heading back into town we take an optimistic right turn and end up at the beach car park, rock up beside some nomads from Canberra and see what the jackanory is and result no restrictions on camping! Fifteen minutes later the communal BBQ is fired up and some tasty Aussie angus steak burgers are on the sizzle and why not a hair of the dog – I’ll need it tonight’s the first sleep in the POS.
the bean hunter 